Monday, December 14, 2009

Wobblys, Mental Breakdowns, OCD and where the hell is the Christmas Cheer....

I'm having a major wobbly today - and true to my nature I love to spread the misery - so have done a great job via FB in spreading it thick... sorry for that - now I'm too embarrased to go change my status...

Anyway the day started out GREAT - went for a movie and a cuppa with a few friends - I SO HATE that they censor the movies here and cut out parts (ummm - leave that for another blog maybe!) SO YES!!! I really enjoyed myself - but then it kinda went down hill from there...

OH GEEZ - do you know how many times I have written a paragraph and deleted it up to this point.

I HAVE TO STOP airing my pain, spreading the misery you know - I have to stop telling everyone what's going wrong in my life - whats the saying - airing my dirty laundry - I feel bad about it really I do - I dont want you all feeling sorry for me - this place is great, I can see the potential here, I will be extremely happy - and I usually am - I just need to have those days where I have a mental breakdown okay?

So I'm not going to tell you EVERYTHING that made me have a wobbly today - but I will share one MAJOR contributing factor - in fact - it might be the MAIN reason for todays mental breakdown - and that my dear friends is my OCD...

Now - dont knit pick - I'm not talking the full on cleaning my hands ten times, turning the light switch on and off 15 times level of OCD - okay so maybe in order not to offend the population that has full on OCD, maybe I shouldn't use that term - but seriously my Crazy Cuz S - hey lets call her CCS... WOW I have one nick sorted all ready - can I hear a whoop whoop... - anyhoo - my CCS calls me Anal retentive - erm can I say anal in public? yeah whatever my blog my life - and I agree I am Anal retentive - I wear that badge proudly - well I did up until 5 months ago - up until the 14th of July 2009 to be PRECISE (ANAL you see)

Up until that time - I was extremely irritating with regards to my worldly goods - everything had its place - all of my books (yes around 2500 of them where on a bookcase in alphabetically order and listed on an excel spreadsheet for good measure - imagine my delight when Oman Customs asked for a list and I had it!!) I had lists of things, shopping, to do, reminders, FiloFaxes, Lists of my lists - ORGANISED!! You wanted something I KNEW EXACTLY where it was - oh and WOE is the person who took it and NEVER put it back there.

There was never a prouder moment in my life - the time when my kid (did we settle on fatty?? cant remember), anyhoo, when one day I was cleaning his room and by ACCIDENT put a Ben 10 toy in the Power Ranger box (I mean COME ON only a 5 year old could tell what the toy actually is!) - he pipes up.. MOM!!! its the wrong box - how will we find it again if its not in its right place... OH MAN - was I proud!! a boy after my own heart - My work here is done - I have trained him well.

Mind you - dont get me wrong - I like to think that my house was visitor friendly - it was clean, neat (ish) and if I had visitors I wouldn't go around cleaning up after them, or making sure they had coasters under their drinks - I didn't mind what state the house got into whilst you were there - but trust me the minute you left I tidied up and cleaned up and put everything back in it's place - okay so I'm lying here - a) would not clean the kids room - that could wait for another day and b) it would depend on the number of Jurger Bombs (hereinafter - as you can tell I used to be a PA in my past constructive life - hereinafter refered to as JB's - get your mind out of the gutters its Jay Bee's not BJ's!) that had passed through my lips... :) But generally yes - it would all be sorted before I hit the sack.

BUT as I say - that was until the 14th of July this year - that was the day that Elliots came to start loading up the container of my house.

From that day till now - a mental breakdown has been coming on slowly but surely - and today - it hit - sorta like the storm we just had I guess!

So for 5 months now I've been living in a mess - firstly out of suitcases and what ever we could squeeze into them for a month, and then in a mass of boxes, rooms we couldn't move into, a unmaintained mound of dust - A MESS - oh and for the record it is still a mess - hence said Mental Breakdown.

I dont even have lists anymore - and I can't remember the last time I use a shopping list.

And today I realised that this is what is doing my head in - I have books mixed with kitchen goods stuck on a few shelves in the passage - I have an office full of boxes of things to be sorted - so really there isn't much room for me and Cat (not making up a nickname for him - I was too lazy to name him in the first place poor sausage) Anyone who can remember what my desk used to look like would have a heart attack right about now - erm just surveying it to make a list for you is giving me a heart attack - OH MY WORD - why is there candles, toilet roll holders, transformers and ironing on my desk?? where did that come from?

Have a mentioned before my washing machine (may he RIP) died?? It did. It was a sad prelonged illness near the end - but he eventually bit the dust (ha ha in this place thats a DAMN FINE PUN!) poor thing - oh how I miss him. He had been with me through thick and thin, through teenagers and in laws, through summer and winter (we got those back in RSA) He came with us to a far of land looking for adventure - cause we loved him. BUT sadly he was dropped, and was never the same after that, he took it badly, and so am I. Now I have PILES and PILES of washing to do by hand - it saddens me. It's also raining out side - that saddens me too.

Anyway back to my agony - I feel bad that I dont invite friends over (I have those now!) but I cant I really cant - in fact I cant live in this mess either - its doing my head in seriously.

So tonight - I not only had a wobbly, I had a mental breakdown - and I have done something that I never done BEFORE in my life - I have had a few JB's here at what is now my desk, all by my lonesome - yes people I am drinking shooters by myself - who knows if it's helping - I guess I will have to see when I wake up in the morning.... :)

And what of the Christmas Cheer I mentioned in the heading... No Idea - I just added that in for good measure - the CHEER is NOT HERE... hey that rhymes... the kid / fatty put the tree up tonight whist we played Boney M's Christmas Special CD... You see I am trying really really really hard. But some how, some where in one of these FREAKEN BOXES or packed in the wrong place - I seem to have lost my Christmas Cheer and I do believe have 11 days to find it....

Maybe just maybe it's hiding in the deep freeze with the Jurger... I'm off to go check...

Till later...

1 comment:

  1. Hey chick...hang in there...blow it off to me in email if you need too....we here for you and will always give you the encouragement you need to get by the tough days.....just holler....

    much love from your buds in M/