PDA's - Whats all the hype about?

I'm not a fan of PDA's - I'm really not - just ask my brother... :) I think the only time we ever hug and kiss is when one of us has had a few too many. Normally him mind you...

I think it's because I'm self conscience. I'm a smoker - so surely I must stink to the non-smokers - so I shouldn't subject them to my BO just to say hello? Surely the big cheesy grin on my face is good enough? And then of course I'm as elegant as a Ballerina Elephant so will most probably stand on their toes, get hooked on their necklace or some such nonsense.

My husband (still haven't decided on a good nickname) in his infinte wisdom decided that our wedding will be over the WHOLE weekend - pure PDA hell - imagine hating PDA's and then having to PDA everyone hello on Friday night, PDA congratulations on the Saturday after the ceremony and then PDA good byes and good lucks on the Sunday - pure hell I tell you HELL!!! (Okay so that was one small bad point in a WHOLE weekend of PARTY!!!)

Back in RSA - my dear friends at Kids (also need a nickname for him - wonder if fatty is a good one??) old school knew about my irrational "fear" and used each and every opportunity to Hug me!!! ERG!! However - on a positive note it did start me on the road to recovery and I was getting used to it - HOWEVER on a negative note - after months of not doing it - I've gone back to my old habit of not initiating PDA's!

Then of course at the airport when we left to come here... OH MY GOSH! really was all those hugs necessary??*

NOW HERE in OMAN... there are different types of PDA's that are FREAKING ME OUT!!! So what I decided to do was to do a bit of research**

Firstly - cause I know most of you are LA-ZZZZZY - so if I put a link (I can do that now!!!) up to Wiki I know you aint gonna go read it... so

Wiki says and I quote:-
"A public display of affection (sometimes abbreviated to PDA) is the physical demonstration of affection for another person while in the view of others."

Here's some interesting facts pulled of wiki.. :)
- PDA's are strongly discouraged in the USofA Armed Forces
- Latin America (must be every males dream) PDA is acceptable - and it is normal to see people, particularly women who are not a couple, holding hands, kissing (and french kissing) and caressing.
- Middle Eastern Countries, varying degrees are acceptable, depending on the country and the city - Saudi do not allow any form of PDA.
- (and my favourite) in South Africa is it against the law for anyone under the age of 16 to take part in PDA's. (OH thats right - lets ban PDA's that will SOOO stop the raping, under age sex, unwanted pregnacy's - get a grip RSA ruling party....)

Now during my intense research** I discovered there is not much info on the Etiquette of greeting someone - so again I dont know the rules and regulations - but I have noticed here there are various degrees of greetings and PDA's.

- Nationals - the men either just shake hands or they do some form of kissing / nose tapping.. I found this on youtube - you can see the nose tap as well as hear the kissing noise. This really had me worried the first time I saw this - I was like NO NO NO dont tell me I have to learn this greeting to "fit" in - ERG I will probably end up poking someones eye out with my huge nose... Turns out tho' thats its just a male form of greeting and then also only with really good friends / family - its not a every day occurance... PHEW...

- Expats from sub contient (now I stand under correction - but it seems to me to be more from the Pakistani's) - they walk around HOLDING HANDS... Now where I come from that means you're Gay - sorry if that insults anyone - but looking at two males holding hands and generally doing PDA's - ITS GAY!! There is not much info about it on the net - and no pictures I can put up (all copyrighted) but if you get 5 minutes google it - have a look. Seems to me that it's just the norm amongst their culture to hold hands and be affectionate with friends. Sorry! but that not cool in my world. Just imagine walking around seeing that every 5 minutes... "shivers" But hey each to their own - I guess I must just get used to it - its my home now.

- Now the whole point of this blog - The Western Expat greeting and PDA's... which is obviously similar to back home in RSA. What level of friendship does one start doing this?? Only after you've discussed the pros and cons of a mono brow? (DAMN still haven't tamed mine) or the first time you meet? or only with people you like? (Okay that could be rude - imaging meeting up with a bunch of people and you only like one of them - so you only PDA her... ROFL... oh imagine the scene!)

I was thinking maybe I'll just PDA the smokers (they cant smell me) which is a DAMN fine plan - cause I haven't met that many smokers here - but then I met a couple where the husband smokes but the wife doesn't so that could be awkward if I only PDA him - she might get a tad PO!

Then of course you have the whole elegant method of actually "arranging" a PDA, if you are walking in to a whole bunch of people sitting down its easy (ish) just bend down - go for the kill and greet - BUT BUT BUT - do you do a one sided mwah or both sides? OR what if one is french decent? then its a 3 some! ERG And then and then watch out for the coffee cups and chairs and handbags and wondering hands! (cause I will be the one to knock over something!) AND what about the person who tries to get up whilst you are heading down - so you end up head butting them???

Of course it makes for a whole different scenairo if you are sitting down - thats just harsh - do you start getting up and wait for the head butt??, do you move slightly to make it easier, WHAT DO YOU DO???

Of course you've JUST gotten over (ie the blush has died down to a pale red) the embarrassment of headbutting someone, knocking over coffee on someone else, and totally breaking the other persons toe when its time to say goodbyes and thank yous and you start with the PDA thing ALL OVER A BLOODY AGAIN...

WHICH - if anyone has wondered - I never actually want to leave anywhere - I will always be the last man (woman) standing - you actually have to physically remove me from the premises - Its because I dont know the RULES - do I initate the PDA goodbye and hope I dont break toes, spill something, headbutt the dog - or should I just hang around until they politely tell me to FO now you've over stayed the welcome... (MBABT - you KNOW what I'm talking about... ROFL)

Anyways - thats my random thoughts on the whole PDA thing - if I dont do it and I offend you I apologise - if you want to see how red I go when I blush just go for the kill (but dont blame me if it goes wrong!)

* Just joking - I loved all the hugs when we left - shows I was loved.. :)
** When I say I did a bit of research - I dont really mean I researched it THAT much - I wiki'ed and googled and binged a bit whilst enjoying a quick cuppa...

Anyway till next time... PDA PDA PDA... :)